The Lady & AB Group AGM

The village hall was bustling with the clutter and clatter of the Lady & AB Group: the buzzing of the chatter of ladies, the babble of babies, and the rattling of toys, which was frequently punctuated by the echo of a spanking and a simultaneous wailing within the lofty confines. A circle of plastic chairs was arranged at the centre of the parquet floored hall, around a large rubber matted play arena containing oversized nursery paraphernalia and overdressed adult-babies.

This was the AB circus in mid-performance at its monthly nursery pantomime at The Village Hall attached to The Parish Church of Our Lady in Charge of The Weak & Helpless.

A troupe of adult-babies was being paraded in their most adorable baby costumes for this monthly adult-baby pageant in the Lady & AB calendar. The baby wear was a mixture of the traditional and the burlesque, and each of the baby outfits adorned the ubiquitous nappied bottom for all to see and feel at every opportunity, and the rustling of plastic pants for all to hear at every move.

Periodically, the swing doors to the hall would burst open and a pack of Girl Guides or a group of Women’s Institute members would pop their heads through to see the Lady & AB Group activity in full swing, and they would giggle and point or coo and wave, respectively. The adult-babies were on show to all and sundry; in the centre of the hall, there was no escape from the watchful eyes of the mothers and nannies at ringside, the staff via the serving hatch, the visitors in the corridor, and the passers-by through the windows.

The adult-babies were penned into this arena where all the typical nursery activity and routine took place: playing with toys, feeding baby din-dins, putting down for a nap, nappy changing, putting to the breast for milky, toilet training on the potty, spanking for the naughty ones, and creaming to pacify an overexcited one or comfort a fretful one.

All of this was on display to the local community at The Village Hall attached to The Parish Church of Our Lady In Charge of The Weak & Helpless. However, today was no ordinary Playgroup meeting as it was also the day of the Lady & AB Group AGM and so after the morning play session, the ladies would leave their special babies in the capable hands of the LAB Nursery Staff of nursery nurse and wet nurse in order to attend to the serious business of the day – the international development of the Lady & AB Group.

There was a handful of Lady and AB absentees and the ladies in question had properly and politely sent their excuses and apologies to the LAB Group Secretary, Ms. Jones, who would, as tradition dictates, formally announce the concise details to the Group as a whole at the AGM and who would as lady nature dictates, informally impart the finer and explicit details in whispers and giggles to each lady in turn over tea or coffee and biscuits as the adult-babies played at their feet that morning.

Sissybaby Suzy was convalescing following her sexual reassignment surgery. Her carer, Nurse Nightingale, had telephoned to say that the transformed baby was in no condition to travel as she was simply too sore to be moved and she was still screaming when doing her weewee. The Group Secretary revealed that she had actually heard poor Suzy’s screams in the background as the sissy-baby painfully wet her nappy during the telephone call. Each lady first winced and then grinned as she heard the ins and outs of the sissybaby’s sensitive plumbing works.

The sisters, Genevieve and Cynthia Price, could not attend the Group for the foreseeable future for legal reasons. They were currently engaged in a legal battle with each other for the custody of a delectable adult male infant known only as ‘AB X’ who had been lost by Genevieve and found by Cynthia at a provincial railway station. Now he was caught in the middle of a tug of love and war between the two very determined and wealthy ladies. The poor exhausted mite was put in the care of a court appointed and rather officious state registered nanny and was being ferried day and night between the two ladies to satisfy each and every one of their self-indulgent demands.

The final and most well received piece of gossip that the Group Secretary shared was the reason behind the absence of a rather harried Lady, Eve Addington, and her particularly difficult adult male toddler, Adam (better known as Awful Adam). Ms. Jones was very pleased to disclose that the little horror had been incarcerated at The Institute for the Correction of The Adult Male Ward and The Lady was enjoying a much needed stay at a health farm.

The news of his indefinite confinement was met with a nod of the head and a knowing look as it was common knowledge that this unstable adult ward had made a series of escape attempts since he was kidnapped and infantilised the previous year. Indeed, one of his toddles for freedom had been at a Lady & AB Group meeting at which he went missing and was caught hiding in the ladies’ lavatory. Upon the result of a Ladies’ Vote, Awful Adam had his head dunked in the toilet bowl as humiliation and punishment for such disrespect to the Group. His recent and ultimate escape attempt was while out shopping in town with his Mummy during which he had a terrible temper tantrum in the supermarket. He broke free from his baby harness restraints, threw all his toys out of his pram, spat out his dummy and toddled around the aisles, pulling at his nappy, crying and screaming at startled customers and begging for help. He claimed that he was the director of a multinational company and that he had been kidnapped by a mad woman and imprisoned in a nursery at her home. The police were called to quell the near riot of ridicule from the lady shoppers as they teased and taunted the silly adult-baby and pelted him with baby products. After a few words with his Mummy, the lady police officers were very understanding of his ‘AB learning difficulties’ and adopted a softly-softly approach. A bottle of milky formula sedative pacified the deluded boy sufficiently for his mummy to take him home with a police escort. Of course, that was the final straw for Eve Addington who was straight on the telephone that very afternoon and before the day was out The Ladies in White Coats had come to take Awful Adam away to The Institute.

As an antidote to the unpleasant news of the wayward ward, the Group Secretary circulated a postcard sent by a lady, Betty Baker, on her annual family holiday to Butlins Holiday Camp in Blackpool. The handmade picture postcard was of her adult-baby boy, Chubby Cheeks, on a donkey ride at the seaside. He was sucking on a giant striped rock dummy and wearing a ‘Dummy Me Quick, Nappy Me Tight’ sunbonnet. His fat naked body was glowing pink around his protective bib but his tiny tinkle and plump bottom were shielded from the sun’s rays by a large white terry towelling nappy and a voluminous pair of plastic pants with a starfish and seashell print. His mummy was grinning but the big baby was crying, due to the excitement of being at the seaside, The Ladies said. The picture postcard of the adult-baby was pinned to The Village Hall notice board in the corridor so that all the visitors could enjoy the sight of his good fortune. It was put next to the photograph of the sissy-baby winner of the Easter Bonnet competition entitled ‘Fluffy Honey Bunny’.