I was left again on the thick, red rubber covered playmat. Tethered to a ring in the centre by my posture collar via a two metre leash and wearing my special rubber jacket, while the Governess went out for her late morning coffee.

She returned with a stunning, powerful ebony lady who was introduced to me as Aunty Susan. I was told to suck on my dummy and behave whilst she entertained her guest. Their departure from the room was marked by the precise clicks of their heels, gradually fading out.

They made themselves comfortable on the sofa directly opposite the playmat and began to chat and gently flirt.

Champagne was served and in due course the flirtation took a more serious turn.

My whimpering, wailing and inarticulate frustration eventually disturbed the Ladies.

What happened next was different. When I cried and wailed, (the only form of expression I am allowed) normally I would be checked for wetness, at least. Not this time. Governess announced that this was the perfect opportunity to introduce me to my new restraint. “One of the best solutions for an overexcited and restive charge.” That was how she put it, at the time.

Excusing herself, she left to retrieve the device.

Returning, she asked Aunty Susan to sit behind me on the playmat and to hold my head in her lap and soothe me. I was told to suck my rubber dummy.

“This restraint is a 6″ solid foam cored yet inflatable straight rubber dildo plug with an individually tailored silicone retention harness designed for long term use and perfect fit, without buckles,” the Governess read from the instruction sheet, in an
enthusiastic tone.

During that time, Aunty was holding me, stroking my face and ears through the thin latex mask and talking softly to me, while my spreader barred ankles were attached via rubber cords to points on the shoulders of my heavy clear rubber straitjacket by Governess, so her hands were free to calm me. I was held in position. My rubber pants and nappy were removed and the device fitted and tightly secured by my Governess.

Governess unclipped the cords, lowered my spread ankles and shifted me so that I was now held to Aunty’s breast, across her lap. Aunty removed my dummy and gently fed me a large bottle of special milk, handed to her by the Governess. The restraint device was gradually increased from no pulses of air to three, combined with very light stroking of the place I’m not allowed to touch and breast feeding comfort from Aunty until I neared climax, when Governess insisted that I was now too excited and restive and needed to be nappied and have my afternoon sleep, but with the bottom restraint remaining on three pulses of air.

She looked down briefly at me, then returned her attention to Aunty before explaining her rationale. “The bottom restraint calms and pacifies the charge, as such a full, painful bottom becomes the focus of its attention, no matter what rest position it takes.

The harness holds the restraint in place, despite what the already heavily restrained charge might do to try and alleviate the discomfort.

All rebellion from the charge will eventually fade away. Combined with the special milk and a well designed training regime, this bottom restraint is a useful and effective therapeutic aid and all suitable patients can be helped and calmed by my methods. Even this one.”

The Governess looked down at me, smiled, and held my face in her hands. “Poor little thing. Don’t worry. I’ll help you. I know what’s best for you. I’ll help you to get well again.” Still holding my face, she leaned in and deeply kissed me. Leaning back from me, before I could even attempt to think, deep down in the bliss that she had created for me, she said, “Susan, please apply the rubber dummy now.” I felt my mouth become completely full, the harness strap and buckle pulling at the back of my head and began to suck on my dummy.

The Ladies sat quietly, watching me. Sitting close together, murmuring to each other; things I could not hear or understand. Words and meaning never intended for me.

I think I love my Governess, and Aunty Susan excites me, but I have opted out of control over my life, formally. I signed the contract the Governess offered.

They are looking at me on the mat, rocking back and forth against the new restraint, as it’s starting to feel both good and necessary, even though it hurts. Aunty takes my Governess in her arms, and they both smile. They are still looking at me. It is not so different to the inflatable enema plug that the Governess has used on me every morning as part of the routine, to make sure that I am clean, inside and out. But it is much larger, and it hurts more. As the special milk takes hold, I moan through my dummy and they laugh at me.

There is mutual delight and ease between Aunty and Governess, and I have no agency, now. I am technically a charge of my Governess. I am owned and controlled by the Governess, forever. It’s been too late to back out for weeks. As soon as I signed the contract, legally. Practically, the moment I let her put the special jacket on me. Or even just the thought of wanting her to put the special jacket on me. I don’t regret my choice. I am no longer a decision maker. I am not important. The combination of her skill and my weakness makes any change in the situation impossible. She understands me completely. I am transparent to her. Yet even now, I know so little about her. But don’t think I haven’t tried to discover, please. I would like nothing more. Even now.

Especially now.

Yes, I am trapped.

But clarity is fading, and it becomes harder to form consecutive thoughts. The special milk makes things different. I never drank dairy milk as an adult before coming here. I can’t digest it.

But this is the special milk. It looks white, she calls it milk, but I don’t know what it is. I know it’s not real milk though, as that gives me indigestion. I must drink the special milk, it is all I have to eat or drink.

I find that I must look at Governess and Aunty now, as they are looking into me, whispering, or at least their lips are moving, possibly. Possibly. I can’t be sure. I can’t be sure. What is sure? It’s too difficult to be sure any more. Colours seem brighter, I feel less concerned, and the new restraint does not hurt quite as much. I feel tingles and stirring in what I cannot touch any more. Have been forbidden to. I’m not allowed to, and the special jacket (as Governess calls my rubber straitjacket) forces me to behave. I begin to suck my large rubber dummy. I start to cry, sobbing gently into the dummy. Both Ladies sigh and Governess asks Aunty to sit behind me on the thick, padded rubber playmat, to pull me close into her chest, into her, and to comfort me, which she does with an arm around me, holding me close, and a hand stroking the top of my head. Held like this, Governess settles down into a straddle across my padded lap and holds my head in her hands: “Who’s a poor, confused little darling? Oh, it’s you! It’s always been you! New Aunty, new bottom restraint, all this change, it’s all too much for my sweet little lamb! Look at it, Susan, the poor thing is so distressed.”

The Governess partially opened her rubber blouse to better display what she knew I needed and wanted, the need she was deliberately concentrating and intensifying, making me more desperate for the unique, warm, soft comfort of the breast. It was already a very strong drive in me; of course the Governess knew this. Whilst I was held from behind in the comfort of Aunty Susan’s arms, my Governess leaned in, pressing my latex masked and dummy gagged face to her breast. “Oh little honey pie, is it all too much? Is the reality of what you asked me for too much? Do you want to go back to your previous life? Just nod if you do, darling, I understand.”

Still crying into her breast, I nodded.

“Oh my dear little thing. I’m afraid that can’t happen. In your previous life, we discussed this in detail. Over the phone, in person, text, in every way. And you still signed the contract, didn’t you? You were delighted at the time. Nod if you understand, darling.”

I nodded. I continued sobbing.

“I don’t believe that you have actually forgotten this, but you signed all your rights away. In front of the witnesses and the registrar. Forever. I control everything. I am your legal guardian. I control all aspects of your life, forever. You agreed to this. You needed this. You still need it. You still need me. You know that you will always need me.” She leaned back from me and held my shoulders at arms length. “Nod if you agree and consent. Reaffirm the contract you have with me, in front of Aunty Susan, as a new witness. And suck your dummy. You must always suck your dummy. Unless I tell you not to.”

I nodded and started sucking my rubber dummy. She leaned in and I was pressed into her breast and back into my new Aunty. “But it will never end, my special darling. There’s no way out for you, little one. No matter how hard it is or if it’s too much for you, there is no going back. I won’t let you out of your contract. I won’t let you out of your restraints. You will always be dummied, nappied and restrained. Always. Forever and ever. Yes, my precious. Forever and ever.” Aunty held me tighter and the Governess settled closer onto my lap.

“Now, if you’re very good, I might allow you to develop into the real rubber doll that you dream of becoming. Eventually. If I make it happen. If. If I choose to make it happen. I know that’s what led you here, to me. However, I control everything in your life, now and forever, and I made it very clear that if you were to be my toy and possibly one day my real rubber doll, I would have to regress you right back to the foundation of your mind, then destroy and rebuild it and you to my design.”

The Governess pressed herself down harder into my padded lap and started to lightly and rhythmically stroke the side of my face. “That was our agreement. I was looking for a new human toy, you needed me to forcibly realise your dream of becoming a rubber doll and to help you escape from the modern world that you have so singularly failed to deal with, because you are too weak. I would have total control and your development was contingent on my needs and desires. Not yours. You came to me because it wasn’t working out for you in the real world, was it? No, it wasn’t. Poor little thing. You couldn’t cope could you? No, you could not. And, I do not think you are a failure. I know that you are not a failure. You were very good at what you used to do, before you asked for my help. But you were not happy, were you? No, you were not. At all. You were desperate for meaning, desperate for love. Desperate for firm guidance and control. Security. The security that I give you, provide for you. The loving, firm and very special care that I give you, that very few could. That’s why you came to me. The fact that I deeply understand you. The fact I even deemed you worthy of understanding, when few others had. Nod if you agree.”

I nodded into her rubber blouse.

“So, the best way for you to ever get close to your dream is to be obedient. All the time. Everything I say, everything Aunty Susan says, will be obeyed. Instantly. With no question. Not that you can talk; at this stage you can only cry. You are not allowed to
talk. Nod if you understand.”

For the last time, I nodded. I was closely held by Aunty Susan and the Governess until I began to fade out again.


by Alys